The Tongue

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

It has been very busy around here, which has led to no time or inspiration to write. I don't think this post will be long.

I used to have a very big problem with controlling my tongue. There were many times that I felt like what I really needed to do was fast from speaking - which I never did... It would be practically impossible... Which is maybe why it should be done...

I haven't felt that way in a long time... Until today....

For some reason, today, my mouth just spewed things that I wished I could just shove back... But that is the thing about the tongue. You can't take back what you have already said. The tongue can be sweet like honey one moment, and the next, it can cut you like a knife.

My tummy still feels sick from some of the things that I said today...

Ugly words escaped my mouth in abundance. Exasperation fled my mind in the form of angry, frustrated statements with people around who shouldn't have heard it. Things that can negatively color perceptions against good people were said.

From James 3:

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Tonight, I pray that God will tame my tongue, since it is not something I can tame myself. That I will be forgiven for the harsh things I spoke today (and in the days past and to come). That instead my tongue will be used for building up, praising, leading, obeying...

Please tell me I am not the only one who wishes her tongue would just shut up!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Tired...

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Today was long. I didn't get to stop or rest from the time I woke up until about 4:30 today - and that was just long enough to spend a few minutes putting my head down on a desk and taking a couple of deep breaths because I at least had everything done that required assistance from the office... I at least had the exams for tomorrow ready to go...

I spent about 5 hours with students. I spent a good bit of time getting tomorrow's exams finished, printed, organized and sorted. I gathered, filled out, scanned in, and posted answers to the quizzes corresponding to tomorrow's exam. I have been responding to emails since I woke up. I will continue to respond to emails until I go to bed.

We are two and a half weeks down in the session. Two and a half weeks to go.

Tomorrow is an exam day. I wish I could just cancel class on Friday to give me a chance to breathe, to mentally get away. I know they wouldn't mind... until we have to speed up to cover everything again. It is when you are in the middle that it feels like you are trying to run through molasses. It will be over before we know it. We just need to persevere.

I am tired tonight. So tired. I am so glad I am not teaching during summer II. I am so glad for the blessings given to us that gives me the freedom to not teach. I need rest... I need my body to relax. I need my jaw to unclench. I need down time... Time to paint my nails and shave my legs. Time to clean my house... again...

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

In Defense...

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. - 1 Peter 3:15

First, let me say that I am by no means a great Christian. There is a lot I do not know. A lot that I fail at every day. The Disclaimer: I am SUPER nervous about posting this. I do not talk religion or politics. Most of the time, it seems pointless to do either and I don't like to debate. I sometimes talk about what I believe with Hubba or my momma, but I tend to avoid conversations about those topics if I think there will be conflicting points of views.

I believe that there is one true God with three persons: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I believe that the Bible is God's Word handed down to us so that we may learn about Him and His truths. I believe that God created the heavens and the earth and that he created man in His image. I believe that sin entered the world through man, that sin has condemned us to death and separation from God, but that redemption comes to those who are willing to accept the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ, who was without sin. That by accepting His sacrifice, we will enjoy everlasting life in heaven.

With that said, I am by nature an intellectual, logical, science-oriented person. I know that many of my friends and colleagues do not believe in a god. Maybe because their understanding of God and their understanding of science creates a gap too big for them to cross. Maybe because the lack of physical evidence of a god is insurmountable to them. Maybe for another reason. It is kind of amazing to me that I believe in God. There are plenty of reasons to not believe in Him. There have been lots of experiences in my life that are reason enough to dismiss Him.

As I was thinking about this post, I thought a lot about what lead me to choose God and Christ. At first, most of my thoughts were about what it isn't.

I don't believe in God because the Bible tells me to believe. If you believe in God because the Bible tells you to believe in God, what makes you believe in the Bible? What makes you believe that what it contains is truth and worth giving your life over to an "invisible" being? For this reason, I won't try to convince anyone of God by using the Bible for my justification of his existence. To me, that isn't logical. However, because I believe, I use the Bible to understand God, build a relationship with Him, and learn what His will is for us as a people. His Word should direct my life. I believe the Bible because I believe in God.

I don't believe in God for comfort, although it can be a perk. In fact, a lot of my relationship with God is very uncomfortable. He requires me to put my trust, faith, hope, and desires in Him. I like to be in control. I like having my plans. I like to know what my life is going to look like in 6 months. With God, I have to be willing to accept His plan, even without knowing what it is or where it is heading. Also, the Holy Spirit is working in my being, requiring me to rid myself of my selfishness. Man, that is really uncomfortable. Hearing a truth and knowing it requires a change - ugh... Yes, I can come to God and lay my burdens down. Yes, He is a comfort to me when life is hard. Yes, I believe He hears me when I am crying out to Him because I don't understand why my life is not and cannot be what I want it to be. Yes, I take comfort in knowing that my friends and family who believe in Him and accept Christ will join me in heaven. However, I don't know what heaven will be like. I don't know if I will know or recognize friends and family that are there. I don't know what that eternal life will look or feel like. So, while I take comfort in knowing they will be there, I don't know that I will see them again or know it is them if I were to see them. That isn't really comforting. 

I also don't choose to believe out of fear. There are probably people who believe in God for the sole reason of a fear of death and what may come after that. They would rather believe in God and "find out" they were wrong after they die than not believe in God and find themselves in hell. I don't know. Fear is a good motivator, but it doesn't seem maintainable. Don't get me wrong. I believe in hell and I want to stay out of it, but it is not the reason I believe.

I don't believe in God for moral reasons. There are millions of basically good people who live an upright and moral life who do not believe in God. From Luke 11:

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:11-13

So morality is not the standard for believing in God. However, I do believe that if you believe in God, you should be striving to live a righteous and moral life. That you are being refined and sanctified towards God's standard. If you do not believe in God, then I can't hold you to the standard that God asks for, but I can expect that you will follow basic moral codes and that you understand that things like blatant lying, stealing, cheating, and murdering are wrong.

I don't believe in God for creation reasons. As I said earlier, I do believe he created the heavens and the earth, that he created light and made day and night, that he formed the sky, land and seas, that he made the land produce vegetation, filled the sky with the sun, moon and stars, the water and land with animals. I believe he made man in his image. I do not think all of this was done in six 24-hour periods, but made in six stages. I don't believe Earth is only a few thousand years old. I believe in evolution: small changes over a long period of time, weak creatures dying off, strong creatures passing on their genetically superior genes to the next generation. I don't think that being rational and logical, loving science and "believing in science" separates you from God. God is those things, too. I think the bigger problem with "Science vs God" is the misinformation on both sides of the debate.

I don't believe in God because of my family or my culture. Although my family believes in God, we were not church-goers. I also have developed a faith very different from any of my parents, siblings, and extended family. When I first started going to church, I drove myself there every Wednesday and Sunday. It was my choice to be there. I did first start developing my relationship with Christ at my best friends' church, but I asked questions, searched for real answers, and struggled with gaps between what I was being taught and what my heart was telling me. Throughout college, I was blessed to be a part of a college ministry that encouraged making your faith your own. I often made decisions about my beliefs that went against the church home I had found. Eventually, it led me away from my initial denomination, but I still admire, respect, and listen to the people who gave me the freedom to choose which in turn helped me grow in my faith - one that is my own.

So, why do I believe in God?

There is a yearning in my heart that is only satisfied with Him. 

Maybe that is illogical. But even as a little girl, with limited knowledge of what a god is, my spirit moved to him like a magnet. I felt His presence. His Spirit called to me and I answered. My heart was prodded to belief. I know that is not going to be a satisfactory answer to non-believers and I know that there are people who prayed for God to give them faith and believe that He didn't answer. But there you have it. I cannot ignore the longing of my soul.

 A friend of mine wrote the following:

We certainly don’t see any God influencing our day to day life — though some people like to claim they’ve seen it or seen miracles — I believe that people are often experts at fooling themselves and seeing what they want to see.

I would have to disagree with her, with gentleness and respect. I have felt God's influence throughout my life. I cannot ignore it. I cannot ignore the sequence of events that led me to where I am today. I cannot believe they were just coincidence and happenstance. After how many coincidences and perfect timings do you start to think that it's not coincidence any more? To me, that is ignoring evidence. So I choose to see God.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Songs of My Life

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

This post is going to be light and fun because PCOS is heavy (pun intended) and sad and I am working on a post that is kind of deep for me, if I can get up the courage to post it. I believe in the sandwich method.

I have always thought that making a music play list that represented my life would be a really cool thing to do. However, it is really hard to choose the songs. Today, I am making a list of songs, one from each year I have been alive, from the "Billboard Top 100 Songs of ****." I tried to choose them based on something special, but that is hard too. Also, I think my real play list would be much longer and much more in depth, but this is a good place to start.

1983: Every Breath You Take by The Police (LOL... Because that is when I took my first breath...)
1984: Lucky Star by Madonna
1985: We Built This City by Starship
1986: You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi
1987: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2
1988: Sweet Child 'O Mine by Guns 'N Roses
1989: Love Shack by B-52s
1990: Step by Step by New Kids on the Block
1991: Something to Talk About by Bonnie Raitt
1992: End of the Road by Boyz II Men
1993: Ooh Child by Dino
1994: The Sign by Ace of Base
1995: Waterfalls by TLC
1996: Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio
1997: Wannabe by Spice Girls
1998: I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith
1999: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
2000: All the Small Things by Blink 182
2001: Fallin' by Alicia Keys
2002: Standing Still by Jewel
2003: Front Porch Lookin' In by Lonestar (Really hard to pick a favorite... Lots of good songs...)
2004: White Flag by Dido
2005: Daughters by John Mayer
2006: You and Me by Lifehouse
2007: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
2008: You're Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins
2009: Chicken Fried by Zac Brown Band
2010: Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars
2011: Raise Your Glass by P!Nk
2012: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
2013: Roar by Katy Perry
2014: (Obviously, it's a little early, but...) Automatic by Miranda Lambert

Oh man... There were some years that was REALLY hard to choose a song for... Mid-90's had tons of songs and late-80's...

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Reflections on PCOS #1

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

This is a first in what may be a regular series of posts about my life with PCOS. My goal is not to give the medical background, but to tell my story so that people who don't know what PCOS is or don't have it will become aware of it, those with PCOS won't feel alone, and I can sort through, process, and deal with what I am learning. Each post will focus on one aspect of PCOS in my life.

We are going to take this back to my sophomore year of high school.

I am called into one of the counselor's office. I was not expecting the conversation we were about to have. She told me that someone was concerned about me and asked if I was pregnant. I left feeling mostly shocked and flabbergasted. Later that day, I was at basketball practice talking to my best friends about my visit to the counselor wondering out loud who would be crazy enough to think I was pregnant! After practice, the coach called me into the athletic trainer's office and explained to me that they were the ones worried I was pregnant. They had noticed that I had "gained some weight" around my middle and were concerned about me. If I wasn't pregnant, maybe I had a tumor. I left that meeting angry, hurt, appalled and with my first taste of being self-conscious about my body and the fact that it wasn't like my friends.

That was 14 years ago now. It ended up being the first of many times that I have been asked, one way or another, if I am pregnant. It has been very painful and frustrating. I wish I knew then what I am beginning to learn now. The reasons for my weight gain despite being an athlete who always pushed myself as hard as I could was not completely in my control. My body didn't seem to be with the program because I have PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. I had no idea and am only now starting to learn about the chain reaction of events as well as their effect on my life for the last 14 years. Looking back, that day with the counselor, coach and athletic trainer should have been a clue. But hindsight is always 20/20.

I feel at this point in time, I have dug myself into a pretty deep hole because I didn't know or understand what was happening in and to my body. If my mother or I had understood what I had, if the doctors I went to in high school and college had recognized what it was, we may have been able to make lifestyle changes earlier where I might currently be in a better place. Maybe not. Unfortunately, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS only about a year ago (and before that, my mother suspected I had it, but I was in denial). This is not to say that I am in a hole I cannot get out of. However, it is something that is going to require difficult lifestyle changes and breaking habits I have had for as long as I can remember.

One of my symptoms is being overweight, particularly in my midsection. It isn't fully understood if weight gain triggers PCOS or if losing weight will ease the symptoms. From my own experience, I had PCOS before I became overweight and had a lot of my symptoms (looking back) in high school and college. As a sophomore in high school, I weighed maybe 130 pounds and was mostly muscle. There seem to be many factors that lead to a person with PCOS being overweight - hormones, insulin resistance, increased craving for sweets as compared to people who don't have PCOS, stress - and it seems to be different from person to person.

It also seems like obesity with PCOS contradicts science. If

calories burned > calories consumed, 

then you lose weight! That is true, but a lot of people with PCOS have a much lower rate of metabolism than other people. So we can't eat as much and we have to work harder. It is not impossible for me to keep my weight in check with diet and exercise, but it is very hard to do and requires me to make perfect choices all of the time (or at least, that is how I feel). My weight can easily fluctuate 5-10 pounds in a couple of days - and don't tell me it's just water weight. You can see how this can be discouraging and feel like an impossible thing to maintain.

So, how do I battle my weight? I haven't figured this out yet. So what do you do when you feel like you are making smart food choices and are living an active life, but aren't seeing results? It is easy to say eat less and work out more. But if you are going to have a diet you can maintain the rest of your life, the diet cannot be based on starvation or on not allowing you to ever eat a certain food. Also, if you have any kind of life at all - work, family, needy cats - spending hours a day at the gym often doesn't make sense. If I am going to get my symptoms under control, I have to deal with all of them. I can't give up on losing weight (but I might have to give up on ever being 145 lbs again).


I could use some gentle encouragement and gentle tips. From the research I have done so far, it seems as though (because of the tendency to insulin resistance) avoiding a high-carbohydrate diet is important. As with most people with PCOS, I love carbs! This makes me super sad...

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

The Firefly

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!



Sunday was our seven year anniversary. To celebrate, we went to The Lodges at Lost Maples in Vanderpool, TX. We left home sometime between 4 and 5 and headed west. When we got to Dripping Springs (or, as the fella at the next table continued to tell one of his companions that she must learn to call it, Drip), we stopped at Creek Road Cafe. Hubba had their Mahi Mahi special and I had a watermelon salad and a chicken pasta dish. It was very good. We also decided to order dessert - Lemon Curd Mousse Cake with Prickly Pear Gelato. It was so amazingly good. The gelato was a good balance against the citrus of the cake. Hubba, who does not like sweets much, ate just as much of it as I did.

After dinner, we got back on the road and headed to Kerrville, where we stopped to buy some groceries for the weekend. I was surprised that I didn't see any Johnny Manziel-ania, but maybe we weren't in the right part of town or maybe he is old news to them. I was surprised at how large Kerrville is. What do people who live there do?

Now things started to get interesting as we really and truly entered the Hill Country. The roads had a lot of hairpin turns and steep grades. Trucks were strongly encouraged to go another route. One area had a sign that told you if you were going to fast (you were if you were going over 20 mph) followed by rumble strips, followed by a sign that said HILL. Apparently there were still quite a few people who didn't get the message judging by the number of tread marks leading off the road. It was pretty late by this time, so we didn't get to see much of the area we were driving through, but we saw lots of deer (including a fawn that was just learning to walk), a fox, and a raccoon. The Versa reminded me of The Little Engine Who Could, barely making it to the top of the mountain that our cabins were on.

We finally pulled up to our cabin, the Firefly, a little before midnight and got settled in. I found what would be my main spot for the weekend on the back porch - the porch bed swing. We laid out on that bed and listened to the wind blowing through the trees, watching a firefly go by, and I told Hubba, "This is wonderful..." I was able to fall asleep out there, but Hubba seemed to have a harder time. Finally, at 6am he told me he was going to go sleep inside, so I joined him.

The next day, I woke up and saw either peacocks or wild turkeys. I am not sure because as soon as I opened the door, they took off to the woods so I didn't get a super good look. I am pretty sure they were peacocks, though. I read for a little while and then Hubba and I took a long walk. (None of these pictures do justice to the absolute beauty of the area.)

By the time we made it back to the cabin, I was hot, dusty and thirsty. So I got myself a tall glass of cold water, washed my face and feet and cooled off in the cabin. I read a little bit more, Hubba and I cooked the pizza we had picked up with a couple glasses of wine, and then Hubba and I drove down to the Lost Maples Country Store for some supplies we forgot to pick up in Kerrville. I wish I had pictures from that drive. It was breathtaking. I had no idea Texas had anything like that until this weekend. I thought I knew what the Hill Country was about. Wow. I was wrong. (I also don't mean to say that I didn't think Texas was beautiful before this weekend. I love the Piney Woods. I love the big, endless blue skies. I love the lakes and the wildflowers. I just didn't expect "mountains" and valleys.)

Hubba made fajitas that night and we had some more wine. Then, I had a bubble bath in the claw-foot tub. Best bubble bath ever.

We listened to music, made some tea, and hung out with each other. The next day, it was time to pack up, clean up the cabin, and start our journey home. Again, I was just struck by how beautiful the land was. We decided to go through San Antonio so that I could stop and answer student emails and so we could see Hubba's brother. We stopped in Bandera, the self-proclaimed Cowboy Capital of the World, for lunch and had us some barbecue. The brisket was really nice and tender. We definitely saw some cowboys. We then exited the Hill Country and all I want to do is be back.

It is heaven on earth.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

One Week Down!

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

One week is down and it is the most brutal of the five, just in terms of the pace of the class. This week, we had to cover something like 10 pages of notes a day and I gave graded assignments every day. Phew! I am glad this week is over!

Already on day 2, I had a large group of students making up my core group in office hours. It has been increasing where I now have to conduct office hours in a larger room than my office. I think that means that some of them actually listened that first day. But, they are also very scared for the exam that is on Monday.

I am a little worried for them and feeling a little guilty because I am ditching them completely this weekend to celebrate our anniversary - I won't even be available via email! *gasp* Obviously, spending this weekend with Hubba is way more important, but I do wish there was a little bit more time I could offer them before the exam. Oh well... I won't feel that bad for that long. :)

After this exam, the material gets more difficult, but we get to slow the pace down. I am happy for that. I have been very uncomfortable with the pace this week, so I can only imagine how they are feeling.

TGIF!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Hubba's Birthday Present to KB

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

This is the very creative gift Hubba gave to KB for her birthday. I don't know if you can tell what it is, but the 9 caricatures are of the Goonies and of the Fratelli's. He found those on etsy. He got a canvas and painted it like the skull cavern. He also bought some copper parchment paper and found an image of the Goonies map. He carefully printed it on two pieces of paper and taped (I think) them together. He then did some very high-tech aging techniques and rolled it up with twine. He also bought a display case to keep everything together.

Gooniees never say die!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Why I Decided to Scare the Pants Off My Students

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Today was the first day of Business Mathematics II a.k.a. Cowboy Calculus a.k.a. "The Next Five Weeks are Going to be SOO MUCH FUN!" This class is very algebra-intensive and the majority of college students do not know how to do algebra... At all... So, after talking about the syllabus and the "Getting to Know You Assignment," I tried to put the fear of God into them. Here is a screen shot of my "You Must Know Algebra" slide.

I normally do not take the "scare them senseless about math" approach, but this week is going to be very difficult for a lot of them and my hope is that they will take initiative to stay on top of things and succeed in the next five weeks.

Here are some of the things I told them:

• As soon as you have a question, you need to ask. This class is too fast-paced for you to "figure it out" on your own.
• If you fall behind, you will drown.
• Most of you will have to spend several hours a day practicing, not an hour or two here or there, to do well in this class.
• If you don't take me seriously, we will all be sad.

After this, I gave them a quiz over algebra and the syllabus. They were allowed to use the notes I told them to print off and bring with them to class.  Here is a picture of the first few problems... Oh, the horrors I saw! They almost made my eyes bleed!

The back side asked them to solve polynomial equations and gave them up to 5 bonus points for correctly answering questions about the syllabus. Hopefully this was added incentive to take me seriously and start their algebra review. We will find out!

After this, we covered 8 pages of notes. I usually only cover 5-6 if I have the entire class time to lecture. This means I was moving at a very brisk pace. I think if they can survive the first few days, they will be fine.

Do you think I sufficiently scared them?

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Spa Day and KB's Birthday!

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Thursday was an amazing day!

I had a spa day at Galleria Day Spa. Shannon gave me an amazing deep tissue massage. It was much needed. I carry most of my stress and tension in my right shoulder and the knots had gotten so bad that my arm would, at times, go numb. There is nothing like getting rolled out like pizza dough to help. After that, Davina gave me a deluxe mani/pedi. It was awesome! She did such a great job. I am totally going to go back for future mani/pedis.

After that, I went shopping to pick up a couple more things for KB's birthday gift, picked up Hubba and headed to ALA's house for the party. We had a great time celebrating KB and playing games, one of our favorite things to do when we all get together. She had tons of people who showed up.

Tomorrow, summer school begins. I have the first week ready to go and an exam for next Monday that (I think) is ready for BA to look at. I also have all notes posted for the students to print off and bring to class, drafts of quizzes for the rest of the semester, and outlines of the exams. Ready or not, here we go!

Thanks and gig 'em!