Dear Aggieland

Note: I intended to post this Saturday morning, as we left BCS. Oh well....

Dear Aggieland,

When I first came to you, I had been beaten down. I was afraid of the unknown. I was struggling with depression and my self-worth. I came in feeling pressure to prove someone wrong. For two and a half years, your ground caught the tears caused by stress, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. However, you also helped me remember how to be brave.

The community of believers that I found here challenged me to grow more than I had in years and also acted as a salve on my very wounded spirit. They fortified me and helped me understand God's will for my life. They prayed with me, worshipped with me, and loved me for exactly who I am. When you are new to a community, it can sometimes be hard to feel like the established members of the community respect your thoughts and opinions. This can especially be true at a new church. The homegroup that I am leaving didn't make me feel like I had to "re-prove" myself. They didn't treat me as if I were a Christian new in the faith. They treated me like I am a mature Christian who is continuing to strive for a relationship and understanding of the God and Savior that I love. I appreciated that so much. I loved the relationships that I formed with the women in the homegroup and I am going to miss our Ladies Night Outs and knowing that you are there to talk if I need it. I love that you loved me despite the fact that it was difficult for me to consistently attend and that I always felt completely accepted, even when it had been weeks since seeing you.

Coming to Aggieland, I felt that God's will for my life was to attend graduate school and attempt to earn my Ph.D. I know he had reasons for this, even though it was extremely lonely. I don't know exactly why God wanted me to spend two and a half years in the program. I have a feeling that it was to build relationships with the people who would become my colleagues. When it was time to let go of the dream of earning my Ph.D., the community of believers gave me the courage to take the jump into the unknown.

Fortunately, I landed exactly where I only dreamed I would. I sometimes feel like I was handed my dream job, although it wasn't always a dream. I was blessed with colleagues who supported me with mentoring and support while I found my feet. I was blessed with students, most of whom poured grace onto me as I learned how to teach. As the last two and a half years have progressed, I have found a passion for Aggie students and Aggie tradition. I have found a way to be encouraging while having high expectations. I have found a way to make math an enjoyable class, because, Aggieland, you gave me the room to learn. I don't think anyone could have dreamed up better colleagues than what I had at A&M. People passionate about students and honor. People who love this university.

My first courses were far from ideal. I took over from another professor who was unable to complete the semester. I had a very difficult time that, again, involved buckets of tears. My colleagues constantly encouraged me. Every day, they told me how well I was doing and offered good support and advice in how to deal with the myriad of issues that came up. They helped me learn how to write notes that would facilitate learning and exams that would really test students' knowledge and understanding. They were patient with me and became my best friends. We had silly Fridays, dinners together, and game nights. When life got hard, we were there for each other. I am so grateful to have had you in my life.

As I fell in love with you, Aggieland, I became more integrated into your community. I became an Academic Mentor for one of the units in the Corps of Cadets. They became my kids and I love them fiercely. I am proud of the men and women who uphold the Spirit of Aggieland and the honor of being an Aggie. I am proud to have been a part of their lives, to sit with them at chow and listen to them as they struggled through their first semesters as Aggies, as they grew into amazing adults, working side by side at Big Event, and watching them dance. I was honored to bring treats and receive their hugs. I was happy to tutor them in calculus or finite math. I loved getting to know them. In many ways, they represent everything I am leaving behind.

I am leaving here stronger and braver than I have been in years. I still sometimes struggle with my self-worth, but also know that I am worthy. And although I will cry as I watch you fade out of the rearview mirror, I am unafraid of the next adventure. I can't wait to bring the Spirit of Aggieland to California.

Thanks and gig 'em, Aggieland!

Jaclyn