Update: Productivity

Dear Aggieland,

We left Bryan on Saturday morning. Our trip went relatively smoothly. The cats had moments of meowing incessantly and blissful, wonderful moments of silence. The road was pretty easy going with the exception of about 20 miles that took us 5 hours to get through. The weather was beautiful as was the scenery. We arrived safely in Palmdale on Tuesday and got checked into the Staybridge Suites.

What we've done so far:

• Set up a PO Box
• Got California plates for the car
• Ryan got his California driver's license
• Put in an application at an apartment
• Did some grocery shopping

How the cats are doing:
The cats have adapted pretty well to hotel life. Although, I think they have a little bit of Stockholm Syndrome... We have found both of the cats hanging out in their carriers, which they weren't too crazy about on that first day of travel. They do have to hang out in the carriers a little bit every day when housekeeping comes by to make bed, take out the trash and clean the bathroom.

How Ryan is doing:
Here is pretty much our conversation about how Ryan is doing:

Me: So, you nervous?
Ryan: No.
Me: Anxious?
Ryan: No.
Me: Scared about anything?
Ryan: No.
Me: You excited?
Ryan: Yep.
Me: You gonna miss Texas?
Ryan: *shrug and nod*

On a side note: He starts his job on Monday! It is going to be interesting figuring out how to be a one-car household. Especially on move-in day. Whenever that might be.

How I am doing:
I only had one freak out about moving here and that was driving into town from the east. I don't like the east side of the area. I also had a "I'm so tired, I have no idea what to do except cry" moment after looking at apartments all morning and then being at the DMV for 2.5-3 hours. But other than those two moments, I feel like I am doing good. I have enjoyed looking at apartments and getting to spend a lot of time with Ryan. Today, we drove out to Tehachapi, which was a beautiful, peaceful, rural drive. I love that area and hope we can eventually move out there. However, because it is country living, there isn't much to do. This makes me feel good that we are living in Palmdale for now while we get established here. Everything we could ever want is right here. And a lot of it is really pretty (just not the east side...). I have also been able to work a little bit on my teaching portfolio.

Things I Find Odd:

• The way roads are named: There is a 5th Street West and a 5th Street East. They run north-south. They do not touch.... So if you ever come to Palmdale or Lancaster and someone gives you a numerical street, make sure they also tell you East or West... There are Avenues O, P, Q, but there are also Avenues O-4, P-8, and Q-3.

Things I Like:

• Joshua trees: They look so happy, like they are spending their entire existence raising their arms in praise to Creator God. FYI: Joshua trees are not trees. They are in the lily family.
• The mountains: Even in the desert, we are hemmed in on all sides by mountains. I love that when the desert gets to be too much for me, I can hop in the car and get to the mountains in less than an hour. I love mountains.
• How close we are to California destinations:
• L.A. - 1 hour
• Disneyland - 1 hour 45 minutes
• San Diego - under 3 hours
• Las Vegas - about 3.5 hours
• Napa - 5.5 hours
• Yosemite - about 4 hours
• Grand Canyon - less than 4 hours

Dear Aggieland

Note: I intended to post this Saturday morning, as we left BCS. Oh well....

Dear Aggieland,

When I first came to you, I had been beaten down. I was afraid of the unknown. I was struggling with depression and my self-worth. I came in feeling pressure to prove someone wrong. For two and a half years, your ground caught the tears caused by stress, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. However, you also helped me remember how to be brave.

The community of believers that I found here challenged me to grow more than I had in years and also acted as a salve on my very wounded spirit. They fortified me and helped me understand God's will for my life. They prayed with me, worshipped with me, and loved me for exactly who I am. When you are new to a community, it can sometimes be hard to feel like the established members of the community respect your thoughts and opinions. This can especially be true at a new church. The homegroup that I am leaving didn't make me feel like I had to "re-prove" myself. They didn't treat me as if I were a Christian new in the faith. They treated me like I am a mature Christian who is continuing to strive for a relationship and understanding of the God and Savior that I love. I appreciated that so much. I loved the relationships that I formed with the women in the homegroup and I am going to miss our Ladies Night Outs and knowing that you are there to talk if I need it. I love that you loved me despite the fact that it was difficult for me to consistently attend and that I always felt completely accepted, even when it had been weeks since seeing you.

Coming to Aggieland, I felt that God's will for my life was to attend graduate school and attempt to earn my Ph.D. I know he had reasons for this, even though it was extremely lonely. I don't know exactly why God wanted me to spend two and a half years in the program. I have a feeling that it was to build relationships with the people who would become my colleagues. When it was time to let go of the dream of earning my Ph.D., the community of believers gave me the courage to take the jump into the unknown.

Fortunately, I landed exactly where I only dreamed I would. I sometimes feel like I was handed my dream job, although it wasn't always a dream. I was blessed with colleagues who supported me with mentoring and support while I found my feet. I was blessed with students, most of whom poured grace onto me as I learned how to teach. As the last two and a half years have progressed, I have found a passion for Aggie students and Aggie tradition. I have found a way to be encouraging while having high expectations. I have found a way to make math an enjoyable class, because, Aggieland, you gave me the room to learn. I don't think anyone could have dreamed up better colleagues than what I had at A&M. People passionate about students and honor. People who love this university.

My first courses were far from ideal. I took over from another professor who was unable to complete the semester. I had a very difficult time that, again, involved buckets of tears. My colleagues constantly encouraged me. Every day, they told me how well I was doing and offered good support and advice in how to deal with the myriad of issues that came up. They helped me learn how to write notes that would facilitate learning and exams that would really test students' knowledge and understanding. They were patient with me and became my best friends. We had silly Fridays, dinners together, and game nights. When life got hard, we were there for each other. I am so grateful to have had you in my life.

As I fell in love with you, Aggieland, I became more integrated into your community. I became an Academic Mentor for one of the units in the Corps of Cadets. They became my kids and I love them fiercely. I am proud of the men and women who uphold the Spirit of Aggieland and the honor of being an Aggie. I am proud to have been a part of their lives, to sit with them at chow and listen to them as they struggled through their first semesters as Aggies, as they grew into amazing adults, working side by side at Big Event, and watching them dance. I was honored to bring treats and receive their hugs. I was happy to tutor them in calculus or finite math. I loved getting to know them. In many ways, they represent everything I am leaving behind.

I am leaving here stronger and braver than I have been in years. I still sometimes struggle with my self-worth, but also know that I am worthy. And although I will cry as I watch you fade out of the rearview mirror, I am unafraid of the next adventure. I can't wait to bring the Spirit of Aggieland to California.

Thanks and gig 'em, Aggieland!

Jaclyn
 

Prayers for the Next Stage

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

The reality of Hubba's graduation is starting to sink in. In the last couple of weeks, he has started applying for many positions around the country. We are 3 months away from graduation. That sounds so much nearer this side of summer vacation than at the beginning of summer vacation.

I am feeling nervous about the future. I am a planner all the way. I like to know where we will be, what we will be doing, how we will be doing it as far in advance as possible. I think that I have done very well in dealing with our murky future up to this point. Pray that I can continue to handle the stress of the unknown for as long as that might be.

I have started day dreaming of our next location. Of the home I hope we can make there. Of the community I hope we find there. Of the jobs that we will find. I have a wish list (that will probably grow as time goes on) of what I hope will be waiting for us. Please pray for these things, but above all, please pray that we will hear and heed God's will for the next stage of our life.

• I pray that we will be able to find a home that we can comfortably afford that will be safe, have two toilets, and more storage space than our current home.
• I pray for a good local library. I wish I hadn't of wasted the last 5 years not using the BCS Library System.
• I pray that we will have good neighbors that we can count on for dinners together, watching over each others homes while we are away, and be a part of our family.
• I pray for jobs that are satisfying and that we feel are in accordance with our life purpose. In particular, as the "following" spouse, I pray that I will be able to find a job that I love. I pray for my future colleagues, that they will accept me, mentor me, and be friendly.
• I pray for a church home. One that is centered on loving God, loving people, building community, fostering shared responsibilities, and taking some part in sharing the gospel. One that doesn't scare the pants off of me.
• I pray for experienced and wizened members to be in the church so that we can look to their example.
• I pray for families that have gone through similar situations as ourselves that we can learn from and use as resources.
• I pray that our family will grow. That we will be able to find the resources and experts we need to help us on our way.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Where do you start?

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland.

Recently in the news, there have been many stories that have tugged at my heart. The situation in Iraq seems so overwhelming, that my brain almost ignores it, scrolls past the stories without giving my heart the chance to feel. But my heart does feel.

I just picked up a book (Called to Adoption: A Christian's Guide to Answering the Call) that seems to have nothing to do with Iraq, or IS, or really anything close to the events that may be (are) occuring. But the book starts with some Adoption Wisdom, which included the following scripture from Isaiah:

Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

This is a beautiful verse, but I will be honest - the first two words leave me feeling helpless. Seek justice. How do you seek justice for the Christians, Yazidis, and other Muslims that are not just oppressed and not just threatened, but are literally losing their homes and lives. Women are being given to IS soldiers. Other horrible acts have reportedly been committed, although no one seems to be sure exactly what is going on. And here, I sit, quite comfortably in my home half a world away, feeling sorry for myself for reasons that sound so small and insignificant. What can I do from here?

Thanks and gig em..

Recharge

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Fairly recently - in the last year or so - I have realized that I am an introvert. This might contradict the stereotypical picture of an introvert. When I think of an introvert, I think of someone like Hubby - quiet, gentle, shy. Most people would not describe me as such. I am loud, spunky, goofy, comfortable around a lot of people, friendly, and open. However, introversion is the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominately concerned with and interested in one's own mental life. Some theories of introversion say that introverts are people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. In other words, introverts prefer spend more time in their own head rather than on the outside world.

My job requires a lot of energy, time, and thought spent on the outside world and not much time on reflection. This is draining to an introvert. I was working year-round in an extrovert capacity. Just about every waking hour was spent thinking about someone else. I took solace in writing notes because that was as close to reflection and my own mental life as I could often get. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE teaching and working with students and being around people, but it is draining. So, after the past seven years of depleting my energy in the classroom (as well a through other unhealthy means), I was empty. I took off of teaching during Summer II leaving me with 56 glorious days to recharge - and that is what I have been doing.

I am still working, but I am mentoring 3 grad students who are teaching and most of my mentoring can be done via email or short meetings as necessary and I am making two short videos which can be done at home. So, I get to spend my time as I want. If I want to sleep until 12:30, I can. If I want to stay up until 6am lost in another world, I can. If I want to write, draw, study something new, I can. If I want to spend the day just sitting in a dim room and breathe, I can. It is doing wonders for me. As much as I thank God for doctors and the chemists who created antidepressants (because without them, I would be an ugly mess most of the time), I am more thankful to God for improving my mental well-being through this time of recharging and for working out all the details that needed to happen so that I didn't have to teach the entire summer.

At the beginning of the summer, I wrote a list of summer goals. I don't know that I have been very successful in them, but I think that what I have been doing this summer is going to make my life better during the upcoming school year.

Thanks and gig 'em!

Welcome to the Real World

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

WARNING: I use a bad word in this post! I also talk about something some people might find gross... You have been warned....


***********************************************************************************


 

My SIL was telling me about the kids fighting over who should clean up the poopy mess made by one of the pets (or it could have been more than one pet... who knows...). I guess the general rule is that if your pet makes the mess, then it is your responsibility to clean it up. If no one knows whose pet it is, then who does the cleaning fall to?

For me, it turned into a lesson on life: Sometimes in life, you have to do shitty jobs that you don't think is your responsibility for the good of the family or the community you are involved in. Sometimes, you have to pick up other people's (or being's) messes. Sometimes, life is not fair. Would you rather live with the shit just because you feel strongly that it's not your job to do or just pick it up and move on? For me, I'd rather just get it over and done with... But I don't know I thought about it like that when I was the kids' ages.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Summer Time and Vacation Songs

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Summer I ended yesterday and I was able to get grades posted right away so I am free!!!

I have a couple of trips this summer and will need fun, upbeat, good music. I am not particularly picky about genre as I like pretty much anything, but have a higher fondness for country, rock, classic rock, oldies, blue grass, and pop.

Anyone have suggestions for my summer playlist?

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

The Tongue

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

It has been very busy around here, which has led to no time or inspiration to write. I don't think this post will be long.

I used to have a very big problem with controlling my tongue. There were many times that I felt like what I really needed to do was fast from speaking - which I never did... It would be practically impossible... Which is maybe why it should be done...

I haven't felt that way in a long time... Until today....

For some reason, today, my mouth just spewed things that I wished I could just shove back... But that is the thing about the tongue. You can't take back what you have already said. The tongue can be sweet like honey one moment, and the next, it can cut you like a knife.

My tummy still feels sick from some of the things that I said today...

Ugly words escaped my mouth in abundance. Exasperation fled my mind in the form of angry, frustrated statements with people around who shouldn't have heard it. Things that can negatively color perceptions against good people were said.

From James 3:

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Tonight, I pray that God will tame my tongue, since it is not something I can tame myself. That I will be forgiven for the harsh things I spoke today (and in the days past and to come). That instead my tongue will be used for building up, praising, leading, obeying...

Please tell me I am not the only one who wishes her tongue would just shut up!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Tired...

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Today was long. I didn't get to stop or rest from the time I woke up until about 4:30 today - and that was just long enough to spend a few minutes putting my head down on a desk and taking a couple of deep breaths because I at least had everything done that required assistance from the office... I at least had the exams for tomorrow ready to go...

I spent about 5 hours with students. I spent a good bit of time getting tomorrow's exams finished, printed, organized and sorted. I gathered, filled out, scanned in, and posted answers to the quizzes corresponding to tomorrow's exam. I have been responding to emails since I woke up. I will continue to respond to emails until I go to bed.

We are two and a half weeks down in the session. Two and a half weeks to go.

Tomorrow is an exam day. I wish I could just cancel class on Friday to give me a chance to breathe, to mentally get away. I know they wouldn't mind... until we have to speed up to cover everything again. It is when you are in the middle that it feels like you are trying to run through molasses. It will be over before we know it. We just need to persevere.

I am tired tonight. So tired. I am so glad I am not teaching during summer II. I am so glad for the blessings given to us that gives me the freedom to not teach. I need rest... I need my body to relax. I need my jaw to unclench. I need down time... Time to paint my nails and shave my legs. Time to clean my house... again...

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

In Defense...

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. - 1 Peter 3:15

First, let me say that I am by no means a great Christian. There is a lot I do not know. A lot that I fail at every day. The Disclaimer: I am SUPER nervous about posting this. I do not talk religion or politics. Most of the time, it seems pointless to do either and I don't like to debate. I sometimes talk about what I believe with Hubba or my momma, but I tend to avoid conversations about those topics if I think there will be conflicting points of views.

I believe that there is one true God with three persons: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I believe that the Bible is God's Word handed down to us so that we may learn about Him and His truths. I believe that God created the heavens and the earth and that he created man in His image. I believe that sin entered the world through man, that sin has condemned us to death and separation from God, but that redemption comes to those who are willing to accept the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ, who was without sin. That by accepting His sacrifice, we will enjoy everlasting life in heaven.

With that said, I am by nature an intellectual, logical, science-oriented person. I know that many of my friends and colleagues do not believe in a god. Maybe because their understanding of God and their understanding of science creates a gap too big for them to cross. Maybe because the lack of physical evidence of a god is insurmountable to them. Maybe for another reason. It is kind of amazing to me that I believe in God. There are plenty of reasons to not believe in Him. There have been lots of experiences in my life that are reason enough to dismiss Him.

As I was thinking about this post, I thought a lot about what lead me to choose God and Christ. At first, most of my thoughts were about what it isn't.

I don't believe in God because the Bible tells me to believe. If you believe in God because the Bible tells you to believe in God, what makes you believe in the Bible? What makes you believe that what it contains is truth and worth giving your life over to an "invisible" being? For this reason, I won't try to convince anyone of God by using the Bible for my justification of his existence. To me, that isn't logical. However, because I believe, I use the Bible to understand God, build a relationship with Him, and learn what His will is for us as a people. His Word should direct my life. I believe the Bible because I believe in God.

I don't believe in God for comfort, although it can be a perk. In fact, a lot of my relationship with God is very uncomfortable. He requires me to put my trust, faith, hope, and desires in Him. I like to be in control. I like having my plans. I like to know what my life is going to look like in 6 months. With God, I have to be willing to accept His plan, even without knowing what it is or where it is heading. Also, the Holy Spirit is working in my being, requiring me to rid myself of my selfishness. Man, that is really uncomfortable. Hearing a truth and knowing it requires a change - ugh... Yes, I can come to God and lay my burdens down. Yes, He is a comfort to me when life is hard. Yes, I believe He hears me when I am crying out to Him because I don't understand why my life is not and cannot be what I want it to be. Yes, I take comfort in knowing that my friends and family who believe in Him and accept Christ will join me in heaven. However, I don't know what heaven will be like. I don't know if I will know or recognize friends and family that are there. I don't know what that eternal life will look or feel like. So, while I take comfort in knowing they will be there, I don't know that I will see them again or know it is them if I were to see them. That isn't really comforting. 

I also don't choose to believe out of fear. There are probably people who believe in God for the sole reason of a fear of death and what may come after that. They would rather believe in God and "find out" they were wrong after they die than not believe in God and find themselves in hell. I don't know. Fear is a good motivator, but it doesn't seem maintainable. Don't get me wrong. I believe in hell and I want to stay out of it, but it is not the reason I believe.

I don't believe in God for moral reasons. There are millions of basically good people who live an upright and moral life who do not believe in God. From Luke 11:

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:11-13

So morality is not the standard for believing in God. However, I do believe that if you believe in God, you should be striving to live a righteous and moral life. That you are being refined and sanctified towards God's standard. If you do not believe in God, then I can't hold you to the standard that God asks for, but I can expect that you will follow basic moral codes and that you understand that things like blatant lying, stealing, cheating, and murdering are wrong.

I don't believe in God for creation reasons. As I said earlier, I do believe he created the heavens and the earth, that he created light and made day and night, that he formed the sky, land and seas, that he made the land produce vegetation, filled the sky with the sun, moon and stars, the water and land with animals. I believe he made man in his image. I do not think all of this was done in six 24-hour periods, but made in six stages. I don't believe Earth is only a few thousand years old. I believe in evolution: small changes over a long period of time, weak creatures dying off, strong creatures passing on their genetically superior genes to the next generation. I don't think that being rational and logical, loving science and "believing in science" separates you from God. God is those things, too. I think the bigger problem with "Science vs God" is the misinformation on both sides of the debate.

I don't believe in God because of my family or my culture. Although my family believes in God, we were not church-goers. I also have developed a faith very different from any of my parents, siblings, and extended family. When I first started going to church, I drove myself there every Wednesday and Sunday. It was my choice to be there. I did first start developing my relationship with Christ at my best friends' church, but I asked questions, searched for real answers, and struggled with gaps between what I was being taught and what my heart was telling me. Throughout college, I was blessed to be a part of a college ministry that encouraged making your faith your own. I often made decisions about my beliefs that went against the church home I had found. Eventually, it led me away from my initial denomination, but I still admire, respect, and listen to the people who gave me the freedom to choose which in turn helped me grow in my faith - one that is my own.

So, why do I believe in God?

There is a yearning in my heart that is only satisfied with Him. 

Maybe that is illogical. But even as a little girl, with limited knowledge of what a god is, my spirit moved to him like a magnet. I felt His presence. His Spirit called to me and I answered. My heart was prodded to belief. I know that is not going to be a satisfactory answer to non-believers and I know that there are people who prayed for God to give them faith and believe that He didn't answer. But there you have it. I cannot ignore the longing of my soul.

 A friend of mine wrote the following:

We certainly don’t see any God influencing our day to day life — though some people like to claim they’ve seen it or seen miracles — I believe that people are often experts at fooling themselves and seeing what they want to see.

I would have to disagree with her, with gentleness and respect. I have felt God's influence throughout my life. I cannot ignore it. I cannot ignore the sequence of events that led me to where I am today. I cannot believe they were just coincidence and happenstance. After how many coincidences and perfect timings do you start to think that it's not coincidence any more? To me, that is ignoring evidence. So I choose to see God.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Songs of My Life

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

This post is going to be light and fun because PCOS is heavy (pun intended) and sad and I am working on a post that is kind of deep for me, if I can get up the courage to post it. I believe in the sandwich method.

I have always thought that making a music play list that represented my life would be a really cool thing to do. However, it is really hard to choose the songs. Today, I am making a list of songs, one from each year I have been alive, from the "Billboard Top 100 Songs of ****." I tried to choose them based on something special, but that is hard too. Also, I think my real play list would be much longer and much more in depth, but this is a good place to start.

1983: Every Breath You Take by The Police (LOL... Because that is when I took my first breath...)
1984: Lucky Star by Madonna
1985: We Built This City by Starship
1986: You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi
1987: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2
1988: Sweet Child 'O Mine by Guns 'N Roses
1989: Love Shack by B-52s
1990: Step by Step by New Kids on the Block
1991: Something to Talk About by Bonnie Raitt
1992: End of the Road by Boyz II Men
1993: Ooh Child by Dino
1994: The Sign by Ace of Base
1995: Waterfalls by TLC
1996: Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio
1997: Wannabe by Spice Girls
1998: I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith
1999: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
2000: All the Small Things by Blink 182
2001: Fallin' by Alicia Keys
2002: Standing Still by Jewel
2003: Front Porch Lookin' In by Lonestar (Really hard to pick a favorite... Lots of good songs...)
2004: White Flag by Dido
2005: Daughters by John Mayer
2006: You and Me by Lifehouse
2007: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
2008: You're Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins
2009: Chicken Fried by Zac Brown Band
2010: Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars
2011: Raise Your Glass by P!Nk
2012: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
2013: Roar by Katy Perry
2014: (Obviously, it's a little early, but...) Automatic by Miranda Lambert

Oh man... There were some years that was REALLY hard to choose a song for... Mid-90's had tons of songs and late-80's...

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Reflections on PCOS #1

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

This is a first in what may be a regular series of posts about my life with PCOS. My goal is not to give the medical background, but to tell my story so that people who don't know what PCOS is or don't have it will become aware of it, those with PCOS won't feel alone, and I can sort through, process, and deal with what I am learning. Each post will focus on one aspect of PCOS in my life.

We are going to take this back to my sophomore year of high school.

I am called into one of the counselor's office. I was not expecting the conversation we were about to have. She told me that someone was concerned about me and asked if I was pregnant. I left feeling mostly shocked and flabbergasted. Later that day, I was at basketball practice talking to my best friends about my visit to the counselor wondering out loud who would be crazy enough to think I was pregnant! After practice, the coach called me into the athletic trainer's office and explained to me that they were the ones worried I was pregnant. They had noticed that I had "gained some weight" around my middle and were concerned about me. If I wasn't pregnant, maybe I had a tumor. I left that meeting angry, hurt, appalled and with my first taste of being self-conscious about my body and the fact that it wasn't like my friends.

That was 14 years ago now. It ended up being the first of many times that I have been asked, one way or another, if I am pregnant. It has been very painful and frustrating. I wish I knew then what I am beginning to learn now. The reasons for my weight gain despite being an athlete who always pushed myself as hard as I could was not completely in my control. My body didn't seem to be with the program because I have PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. I had no idea and am only now starting to learn about the chain reaction of events as well as their effect on my life for the last 14 years. Looking back, that day with the counselor, coach and athletic trainer should have been a clue. But hindsight is always 20/20.

I feel at this point in time, I have dug myself into a pretty deep hole because I didn't know or understand what was happening in and to my body. If my mother or I had understood what I had, if the doctors I went to in high school and college had recognized what it was, we may have been able to make lifestyle changes earlier where I might currently be in a better place. Maybe not. Unfortunately, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS only about a year ago (and before that, my mother suspected I had it, but I was in denial). This is not to say that I am in a hole I cannot get out of. However, it is something that is going to require difficult lifestyle changes and breaking habits I have had for as long as I can remember.

One of my symptoms is being overweight, particularly in my midsection. It isn't fully understood if weight gain triggers PCOS or if losing weight will ease the symptoms. From my own experience, I had PCOS before I became overweight and had a lot of my symptoms (looking back) in high school and college. As a sophomore in high school, I weighed maybe 130 pounds and was mostly muscle. There seem to be many factors that lead to a person with PCOS being overweight - hormones, insulin resistance, increased craving for sweets as compared to people who don't have PCOS, stress - and it seems to be different from person to person.

It also seems like obesity with PCOS contradicts science. If

calories burned > calories consumed, 

then you lose weight! That is true, but a lot of people with PCOS have a much lower rate of metabolism than other people. So we can't eat as much and we have to work harder. It is not impossible for me to keep my weight in check with diet and exercise, but it is very hard to do and requires me to make perfect choices all of the time (or at least, that is how I feel). My weight can easily fluctuate 5-10 pounds in a couple of days - and don't tell me it's just water weight. You can see how this can be discouraging and feel like an impossible thing to maintain.

So, how do I battle my weight? I haven't figured this out yet. So what do you do when you feel like you are making smart food choices and are living an active life, but aren't seeing results? It is easy to say eat less and work out more. But if you are going to have a diet you can maintain the rest of your life, the diet cannot be based on starvation or on not allowing you to ever eat a certain food. Also, if you have any kind of life at all - work, family, needy cats - spending hours a day at the gym often doesn't make sense. If I am going to get my symptoms under control, I have to deal with all of them. I can't give up on losing weight (but I might have to give up on ever being 145 lbs again).


I could use some gentle encouragement and gentle tips. From the research I have done so far, it seems as though (because of the tendency to insulin resistance) avoiding a high-carbohydrate diet is important. As with most people with PCOS, I love carbs! This makes me super sad...

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

The Firefly

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!



Sunday was our seven year anniversary. To celebrate, we went to The Lodges at Lost Maples in Vanderpool, TX. We left home sometime between 4 and 5 and headed west. When we got to Dripping Springs (or, as the fella at the next table continued to tell one of his companions that she must learn to call it, Drip), we stopped at Creek Road Cafe. Hubba had their Mahi Mahi special and I had a watermelon salad and a chicken pasta dish. It was very good. We also decided to order dessert - Lemon Curd Mousse Cake with Prickly Pear Gelato. It was so amazingly good. The gelato was a good balance against the citrus of the cake. Hubba, who does not like sweets much, ate just as much of it as I did.

After dinner, we got back on the road and headed to Kerrville, where we stopped to buy some groceries for the weekend. I was surprised that I didn't see any Johnny Manziel-ania, but maybe we weren't in the right part of town or maybe he is old news to them. I was surprised at how large Kerrville is. What do people who live there do?

Now things started to get interesting as we really and truly entered the Hill Country. The roads had a lot of hairpin turns and steep grades. Trucks were strongly encouraged to go another route. One area had a sign that told you if you were going to fast (you were if you were going over 20 mph) followed by rumble strips, followed by a sign that said HILL. Apparently there were still quite a few people who didn't get the message judging by the number of tread marks leading off the road. It was pretty late by this time, so we didn't get to see much of the area we were driving through, but we saw lots of deer (including a fawn that was just learning to walk), a fox, and a raccoon. The Versa reminded me of The Little Engine Who Could, barely making it to the top of the mountain that our cabins were on.

We finally pulled up to our cabin, the Firefly, a little before midnight and got settled in. I found what would be my main spot for the weekend on the back porch - the porch bed swing. We laid out on that bed and listened to the wind blowing through the trees, watching a firefly go by, and I told Hubba, "This is wonderful..." I was able to fall asleep out there, but Hubba seemed to have a harder time. Finally, at 6am he told me he was going to go sleep inside, so I joined him.

The next day, I woke up and saw either peacocks or wild turkeys. I am not sure because as soon as I opened the door, they took off to the woods so I didn't get a super good look. I am pretty sure they were peacocks, though. I read for a little while and then Hubba and I took a long walk. (None of these pictures do justice to the absolute beauty of the area.)

By the time we made it back to the cabin, I was hot, dusty and thirsty. So I got myself a tall glass of cold water, washed my face and feet and cooled off in the cabin. I read a little bit more, Hubba and I cooked the pizza we had picked up with a couple glasses of wine, and then Hubba and I drove down to the Lost Maples Country Store for some supplies we forgot to pick up in Kerrville. I wish I had pictures from that drive. It was breathtaking. I had no idea Texas had anything like that until this weekend. I thought I knew what the Hill Country was about. Wow. I was wrong. (I also don't mean to say that I didn't think Texas was beautiful before this weekend. I love the Piney Woods. I love the big, endless blue skies. I love the lakes and the wildflowers. I just didn't expect "mountains" and valleys.)

Hubba made fajitas that night and we had some more wine. Then, I had a bubble bath in the claw-foot tub. Best bubble bath ever.

We listened to music, made some tea, and hung out with each other. The next day, it was time to pack up, clean up the cabin, and start our journey home. Again, I was just struck by how beautiful the land was. We decided to go through San Antonio so that I could stop and answer student emails and so we could see Hubba's brother. We stopped in Bandera, the self-proclaimed Cowboy Capital of the World, for lunch and had us some barbecue. The brisket was really nice and tender. We definitely saw some cowboys. We then exited the Hill Country and all I want to do is be back.

It is heaven on earth.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

One Week Down!

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

One week is down and it is the most brutal of the five, just in terms of the pace of the class. This week, we had to cover something like 10 pages of notes a day and I gave graded assignments every day. Phew! I am glad this week is over!

Already on day 2, I had a large group of students making up my core group in office hours. It has been increasing where I now have to conduct office hours in a larger room than my office. I think that means that some of them actually listened that first day. But, they are also very scared for the exam that is on Monday.

I am a little worried for them and feeling a little guilty because I am ditching them completely this weekend to celebrate our anniversary - I won't even be available via email! *gasp* Obviously, spending this weekend with Hubba is way more important, but I do wish there was a little bit more time I could offer them before the exam. Oh well... I won't feel that bad for that long. :)

After this exam, the material gets more difficult, but we get to slow the pace down. I am happy for that. I have been very uncomfortable with the pace this week, so I can only imagine how they are feeling.

TGIF!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Hubba's Birthday Present to KB

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

This is the very creative gift Hubba gave to KB for her birthday. I don't know if you can tell what it is, but the 9 caricatures are of the Goonies and of the Fratelli's. He found those on etsy. He got a canvas and painted it like the skull cavern. He also bought some copper parchment paper and found an image of the Goonies map. He carefully printed it on two pieces of paper and taped (I think) them together. He then did some very high-tech aging techniques and rolled it up with twine. He also bought a display case to keep everything together.

Gooniees never say die!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Why I Decided to Scare the Pants Off My Students

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Today was the first day of Business Mathematics II a.k.a. Cowboy Calculus a.k.a. "The Next Five Weeks are Going to be SOO MUCH FUN!" This class is very algebra-intensive and the majority of college students do not know how to do algebra... At all... So, after talking about the syllabus and the "Getting to Know You Assignment," I tried to put the fear of God into them. Here is a screen shot of my "You Must Know Algebra" slide.

I normally do not take the "scare them senseless about math" approach, but this week is going to be very difficult for a lot of them and my hope is that they will take initiative to stay on top of things and succeed in the next five weeks.

Here are some of the things I told them:

• As soon as you have a question, you need to ask. This class is too fast-paced for you to "figure it out" on your own.
• If you fall behind, you will drown.
• Most of you will have to spend several hours a day practicing, not an hour or two here or there, to do well in this class.
• If you don't take me seriously, we will all be sad.

After this, I gave them a quiz over algebra and the syllabus. They were allowed to use the notes I told them to print off and bring with them to class.  Here is a picture of the first few problems... Oh, the horrors I saw! They almost made my eyes bleed!

The back side asked them to solve polynomial equations and gave them up to 5 bonus points for correctly answering questions about the syllabus. Hopefully this was added incentive to take me seriously and start their algebra review. We will find out!

After this, we covered 8 pages of notes. I usually only cover 5-6 if I have the entire class time to lecture. This means I was moving at a very brisk pace. I think if they can survive the first few days, they will be fine.

Do you think I sufficiently scared them?

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Spa Day and KB's Birthday!

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Thursday was an amazing day!

I had a spa day at Galleria Day Spa. Shannon gave me an amazing deep tissue massage. It was much needed. I carry most of my stress and tension in my right shoulder and the knots had gotten so bad that my arm would, at times, go numb. There is nothing like getting rolled out like pizza dough to help. After that, Davina gave me a deluxe mani/pedi. It was awesome! She did such a great job. I am totally going to go back for future mani/pedis.

After that, I went shopping to pick up a couple more things for KB's birthday gift, picked up Hubba and headed to ALA's house for the party. We had a great time celebrating KB and playing games, one of our favorite things to do when we all get together. She had tons of people who showed up.

Tomorrow, summer school begins. I have the first week ready to go and an exam for next Monday that (I think) is ready for BA to look at. I also have all notes posted for the students to print off and bring to class, drafts of quizzes for the rest of the semester, and outlines of the exams. Ready or not, here we go!

Thanks and gig 'em!

Happy Birthday, Hubba!

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

I hope everyone is having a great Memorial Day weekend and that you take at least one moment this weekend to remember and give thanks to the men and women who have died protecting our freedom.

Yesterday was Hubba's birthday! Happy birthday, Hubba!

We went to lunch at a new brewery in the Northgate District - Blackwater Draw Brewing Company. I was hoping to get there in time for brunch, but I woke up too late.  We ended up getting an order of their #YESSIR fries, I got a BYOB (Build Your Own Burger), and Hubba got the Charles Brat-son. The fries were sweet potato with cinnamon, sugar and feta, but there wasn't any substance to hold the feta onto the fries. I think the fries at The Luxury in San Antonio are waaaaayyy better. But, I loved my burger. And I am awful picky about my burgers. It was on a sourdough bun. I love the slight sweetness with the hamburger. It was also sturdy enough to hold together throughout the entire burger. The patty was not too big, but it also wasn't small. It comes with arugula, red onion, and a thick slice of an heirloom tomato. Then you get two "freebies" and if you want to add cheese, a fried egg, or peanut butter (among other choices), there is a fairly standard upcharge. All of their "freebies" are house made. I got their sriracha mayo and chipotle ranch and cheddar cheese. It was really good. Hubba took home a 64 oz. growler of their Kolsch.

We can bring back the jug the next time we go and get it filled with anything on draft.

After lunch, we kind of lazed around and ran a couple of errands, but mostly just relaxed with each other, not doing anything special until dinner time. Hubba had made plans to have dinner with the neighbors and watch a movie. They had made a lot of pizza dough, so we had a lot of fun making a bunch of different pizzas on the grill outside until the coals weren't hot enough. Here is a picture of our toppings spread:

We ate out in the back yard, rolling out dough, mixing up the combination of ingredients, and sharing our creations amongst the four of us. The toppings we had available were: traditional tomato based pizza sauce, pesto, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, mushrooms, bell peppers, tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, shredded mozzarella, cheddar, red onions, basil, jalapenos, and corn. The coals didn't quite stay hot enough for all of our pizzas, so the last savory pizza was cooked in the neighbors' oven and I started working on getting the dessert pizza toppings ready.

(Sorry there are no pictures of the dessert toppings.) For the dessert pizzas, we used the same pizza dough used for our other pizzas. We pre-cooked the dough, but I think it would be fine to not do that, or makes calzones. My original idea was to smear the dough with nutella, but I didn't realize that we were out. So, instead, we melted some good chocolate and smeared that on the pizza. Then, I had brought out a variety of toppings: bananas, blueberries, raspberries, pineapple chunks, apples, pecans, sprinkles, mini chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, butter, cinnamon sugar, powdered sugar, Hershey's chocolate syrup. Everyone was able to put on their own dessert pizza whatever they wanted. No one was entirely sold that this would be delicious, but it turned out great and everyone seemed to really love their creations. Mine had the melted chocolate, bananas, pecans, and marshmallows. I stuck mine back in the oven long enough for the marshmallows to get toasted and then sprinkled a little powdered sugar on top. The powdered sugar, we all agreed, was necessary to give some sweetness that was lacking in the dough. I thought it was amazing.  After that, the neighbors brought over some slices of watermelon and we sat out eating our watermelon and spitting out the seeds. Next summer, maybe the backyard will have a watermelon crop!

After that, we watched Castle in the Sky. I forgot how much I liked it. Hayao Miyazaki is a great storyteller.

 Ryan and I at The Salt Lick earlier this month.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Cool Ranch Crockpot Chicken Tacos

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Tonight for dinner, we made this! It was good and super easy, which is really good considering I continue to battle insomnia and am still trying to be productive, which leaves little energy for things like cooking...

Tomorrow, two of Hubba's classmates (and former students of mine when I was a TA) are coming over for dinner to work on their project. They are building a rocket (I think).

I appreciate those of you who have been following the blog!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Two New Additions to Our Home

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Tonight, Hubba and I went on a "mini-date" that ended up being not so mini! I worked all afternoon on prep for summer I (how am I going to be ready in 13 days!?!). After a quick stop at home, Hubba and I went to dinner at Cheddars and then went indoor plant shopping at Home Depot. We found several plants that we loved, but out of all of them, only two were cat-friendly enough for us to feel comfortable getting them. We ended up getting a Burgundy Rubber Plant and a Cat Palm. Our next stop was TJMaxx in the hopes that they had pots that were big enough for our new family members and would go with our house. We lucked out there and then headed to Target, where we also lucked out. TJMaxx had a couple of nice pieces of furniture that I wanted, but wasn't willing to spend the money on. There was also this awesome mirror that would look fantastic on the accent wall in the living room, but, again, I wasn't willing to spend what they were asking. At Target, I found some school supplies, but that was about it. So the hunt for pots is still going.

We got home and brought the rubber plant in first. Tonks went and smelled a leaf and was good. The rubber plant is not too intimidating to her. Kitty didn't find the rubber plant to be at all intriguing so did not bother to move from her spot on the couch. Then, we brought in the cat palm, which is already between 3 and 4 feet tall and moves a lot. Tonks was definitely scared of it. Kitty, however, recognized a good thing when she saw it and immediately went to taste it. We shooed her away from eating it. Eventually Tonks got brave enough to check out this awesome thing that was moving gently with fun string like projections. She realized that it was actually a pretty cool toy. Now, Kitty came to check it out. They both played with some of the leaves that were moving around, until Kitty again tried to eat it. Now they are both sitting, lovingly watch it sway in the air created by the fan.

I hope we can keep them alive!

Thanks and Gig 'Em!