Update: Productivity

Dear Aggieland,

We left Bryan on Saturday morning. Our trip went relatively smoothly. The cats had moments of meowing incessantly and blissful, wonderful moments of silence. The road was pretty easy going with the exception of about 20 miles that took us 5 hours to get through. The weather was beautiful as was the scenery. We arrived safely in Palmdale on Tuesday and got checked into the Staybridge Suites.

What we've done so far:

• Set up a PO Box
• Got California plates for the car
• Ryan got his California driver's license
• Put in an application at an apartment
• Did some grocery shopping

How the cats are doing:
The cats have adapted pretty well to hotel life. Although, I think they have a little bit of Stockholm Syndrome... We have found both of the cats hanging out in their carriers, which they weren't too crazy about on that first day of travel. They do have to hang out in the carriers a little bit every day when housekeeping comes by to make bed, take out the trash and clean the bathroom.

How Ryan is doing:
Here is pretty much our conversation about how Ryan is doing:

Me: So, you nervous?
Ryan: No.
Me: Anxious?
Ryan: No.
Me: Scared about anything?
Ryan: No.
Me: You excited?
Ryan: Yep.
Me: You gonna miss Texas?
Ryan: *shrug and nod*

On a side note: He starts his job on Monday! It is going to be interesting figuring out how to be a one-car household. Especially on move-in day. Whenever that might be.

How I am doing:
I only had one freak out about moving here and that was driving into town from the east. I don't like the east side of the area. I also had a "I'm so tired, I have no idea what to do except cry" moment after looking at apartments all morning and then being at the DMV for 2.5-3 hours. But other than those two moments, I feel like I am doing good. I have enjoyed looking at apartments and getting to spend a lot of time with Ryan. Today, we drove out to Tehachapi, which was a beautiful, peaceful, rural drive. I love that area and hope we can eventually move out there. However, because it is country living, there isn't much to do. This makes me feel good that we are living in Palmdale for now while we get established here. Everything we could ever want is right here. And a lot of it is really pretty (just not the east side...). I have also been able to work a little bit on my teaching portfolio.

Things I Find Odd:

• The way roads are named: There is a 5th Street West and a 5th Street East. They run north-south. They do not touch.... So if you ever come to Palmdale or Lancaster and someone gives you a numerical street, make sure they also tell you East or West... There are Avenues O, P, Q, but there are also Avenues O-4, P-8, and Q-3.

Things I Like:

• Joshua trees: They look so happy, like they are spending their entire existence raising their arms in praise to Creator God. FYI: Joshua trees are not trees. They are in the lily family.
• The mountains: Even in the desert, we are hemmed in on all sides by mountains. I love that when the desert gets to be too much for me, I can hop in the car and get to the mountains in less than an hour. I love mountains.
• How close we are to California destinations:
• L.A. - 1 hour
• Disneyland - 1 hour 45 minutes
• San Diego - under 3 hours
• Las Vegas - about 3.5 hours
• Napa - 5.5 hours
• Yosemite - about 4 hours
• Grand Canyon - less than 4 hours

Dear Aggieland

Note: I intended to post this Saturday morning, as we left BCS. Oh well....

Dear Aggieland,

When I first came to you, I had been beaten down. I was afraid of the unknown. I was struggling with depression and my self-worth. I came in feeling pressure to prove someone wrong. For two and a half years, your ground caught the tears caused by stress, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. However, you also helped me remember how to be brave.

The community of believers that I found here challenged me to grow more than I had in years and also acted as a salve on my very wounded spirit. They fortified me and helped me understand God's will for my life. They prayed with me, worshipped with me, and loved me for exactly who I am. When you are new to a community, it can sometimes be hard to feel like the established members of the community respect your thoughts and opinions. This can especially be true at a new church. The homegroup that I am leaving didn't make me feel like I had to "re-prove" myself. They didn't treat me as if I were a Christian new in the faith. They treated me like I am a mature Christian who is continuing to strive for a relationship and understanding of the God and Savior that I love. I appreciated that so much. I loved the relationships that I formed with the women in the homegroup and I am going to miss our Ladies Night Outs and knowing that you are there to talk if I need it. I love that you loved me despite the fact that it was difficult for me to consistently attend and that I always felt completely accepted, even when it had been weeks since seeing you.

Coming to Aggieland, I felt that God's will for my life was to attend graduate school and attempt to earn my Ph.D. I know he had reasons for this, even though it was extremely lonely. I don't know exactly why God wanted me to spend two and a half years in the program. I have a feeling that it was to build relationships with the people who would become my colleagues. When it was time to let go of the dream of earning my Ph.D., the community of believers gave me the courage to take the jump into the unknown.

Fortunately, I landed exactly where I only dreamed I would. I sometimes feel like I was handed my dream job, although it wasn't always a dream. I was blessed with colleagues who supported me with mentoring and support while I found my feet. I was blessed with students, most of whom poured grace onto me as I learned how to teach. As the last two and a half years have progressed, I have found a passion for Aggie students and Aggie tradition. I have found a way to be encouraging while having high expectations. I have found a way to make math an enjoyable class, because, Aggieland, you gave me the room to learn. I don't think anyone could have dreamed up better colleagues than what I had at A&M. People passionate about students and honor. People who love this university.

My first courses were far from ideal. I took over from another professor who was unable to complete the semester. I had a very difficult time that, again, involved buckets of tears. My colleagues constantly encouraged me. Every day, they told me how well I was doing and offered good support and advice in how to deal with the myriad of issues that came up. They helped me learn how to write notes that would facilitate learning and exams that would really test students' knowledge and understanding. They were patient with me and became my best friends. We had silly Fridays, dinners together, and game nights. When life got hard, we were there for each other. I am so grateful to have had you in my life.

As I fell in love with you, Aggieland, I became more integrated into your community. I became an Academic Mentor for one of the units in the Corps of Cadets. They became my kids and I love them fiercely. I am proud of the men and women who uphold the Spirit of Aggieland and the honor of being an Aggie. I am proud to have been a part of their lives, to sit with them at chow and listen to them as they struggled through their first semesters as Aggies, as they grew into amazing adults, working side by side at Big Event, and watching them dance. I was honored to bring treats and receive their hugs. I was happy to tutor them in calculus or finite math. I loved getting to know them. In many ways, they represent everything I am leaving behind.

I am leaving here stronger and braver than I have been in years. I still sometimes struggle with my self-worth, but also know that I am worthy. And although I will cry as I watch you fade out of the rearview mirror, I am unafraid of the next adventure. I can't wait to bring the Spirit of Aggieland to California.

Thanks and gig 'em, Aggieland!

Jaclyn
 

Prayers for the Next Stage

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

The reality of Hubba's graduation is starting to sink in. In the last couple of weeks, he has started applying for many positions around the country. We are 3 months away from graduation. That sounds so much nearer this side of summer vacation than at the beginning of summer vacation.

I am feeling nervous about the future. I am a planner all the way. I like to know where we will be, what we will be doing, how we will be doing it as far in advance as possible. I think that I have done very well in dealing with our murky future up to this point. Pray that I can continue to handle the stress of the unknown for as long as that might be.

I have started day dreaming of our next location. Of the home I hope we can make there. Of the community I hope we find there. Of the jobs that we will find. I have a wish list (that will probably grow as time goes on) of what I hope will be waiting for us. Please pray for these things, but above all, please pray that we will hear and heed God's will for the next stage of our life.

• I pray that we will be able to find a home that we can comfortably afford that will be safe, have two toilets, and more storage space than our current home.
• I pray for a good local library. I wish I hadn't of wasted the last 5 years not using the BCS Library System.
• I pray that we will have good neighbors that we can count on for dinners together, watching over each others homes while we are away, and be a part of our family.
• I pray for jobs that are satisfying and that we feel are in accordance with our life purpose. In particular, as the "following" spouse, I pray that I will be able to find a job that I love. I pray for my future colleagues, that they will accept me, mentor me, and be friendly.
• I pray for a church home. One that is centered on loving God, loving people, building community, fostering shared responsibilities, and taking some part in sharing the gospel. One that doesn't scare the pants off of me.
• I pray for experienced and wizened members to be in the church so that we can look to their example.
• I pray for families that have gone through similar situations as ourselves that we can learn from and use as resources.
• I pray that our family will grow. That we will be able to find the resources and experts we need to help us on our way.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Where do you start?

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland.

Recently in the news, there have been many stories that have tugged at my heart. The situation in Iraq seems so overwhelming, that my brain almost ignores it, scrolls past the stories without giving my heart the chance to feel. But my heart does feel.

I just picked up a book (Called to Adoption: A Christian's Guide to Answering the Call) that seems to have nothing to do with Iraq, or IS, or really anything close to the events that may be (are) occuring. But the book starts with some Adoption Wisdom, which included the following scripture from Isaiah:

Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

This is a beautiful verse, but I will be honest - the first two words leave me feeling helpless. Seek justice. How do you seek justice for the Christians, Yazidis, and other Muslims that are not just oppressed and not just threatened, but are literally losing their homes and lives. Women are being given to IS soldiers. Other horrible acts have reportedly been committed, although no one seems to be sure exactly what is going on. And here, I sit, quite comfortably in my home half a world away, feeling sorry for myself for reasons that sound so small and insignificant. What can I do from here?

Thanks and gig em..

Recharge

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Fairly recently - in the last year or so - I have realized that I am an introvert. This might contradict the stereotypical picture of an introvert. When I think of an introvert, I think of someone like Hubby - quiet, gentle, shy. Most people would not describe me as such. I am loud, spunky, goofy, comfortable around a lot of people, friendly, and open. However, introversion is the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominately concerned with and interested in one's own mental life. Some theories of introversion say that introverts are people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. In other words, introverts prefer spend more time in their own head rather than on the outside world.

My job requires a lot of energy, time, and thought spent on the outside world and not much time on reflection. This is draining to an introvert. I was working year-round in an extrovert capacity. Just about every waking hour was spent thinking about someone else. I took solace in writing notes because that was as close to reflection and my own mental life as I could often get. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE teaching and working with students and being around people, but it is draining. So, after the past seven years of depleting my energy in the classroom (as well a through other unhealthy means), I was empty. I took off of teaching during Summer II leaving me with 56 glorious days to recharge - and that is what I have been doing.

I am still working, but I am mentoring 3 grad students who are teaching and most of my mentoring can be done via email or short meetings as necessary and I am making two short videos which can be done at home. So, I get to spend my time as I want. If I want to sleep until 12:30, I can. If I want to stay up until 6am lost in another world, I can. If I want to write, draw, study something new, I can. If I want to spend the day just sitting in a dim room and breathe, I can. It is doing wonders for me. As much as I thank God for doctors and the chemists who created antidepressants (because without them, I would be an ugly mess most of the time), I am more thankful to God for improving my mental well-being through this time of recharging and for working out all the details that needed to happen so that I didn't have to teach the entire summer.

At the beginning of the summer, I wrote a list of summer goals. I don't know that I have been very successful in them, but I think that what I have been doing this summer is going to make my life better during the upcoming school year.

Thanks and gig 'em!

Welcome to the Real World

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

WARNING: I use a bad word in this post! I also talk about something some people might find gross... You have been warned....


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My SIL was telling me about the kids fighting over who should clean up the poopy mess made by one of the pets (or it could have been more than one pet... who knows...). I guess the general rule is that if your pet makes the mess, then it is your responsibility to clean it up. If no one knows whose pet it is, then who does the cleaning fall to?

For me, it turned into a lesson on life: Sometimes in life, you have to do shitty jobs that you don't think is your responsibility for the good of the family or the community you are involved in. Sometimes, you have to pick up other people's (or being's) messes. Sometimes, life is not fair. Would you rather live with the shit just because you feel strongly that it's not your job to do or just pick it up and move on? For me, I'd rather just get it over and done with... But I don't know I thought about it like that when I was the kids' ages.

Thanks and Gig 'Em!

Summer Time and Vacation Songs

Howdy from Jaclyn in Aggieland!

Summer I ended yesterday and I was able to get grades posted right away so I am free!!!

I have a couple of trips this summer and will need fun, upbeat, good music. I am not particularly picky about genre as I like pretty much anything, but have a higher fondness for country, rock, classic rock, oldies, blue grass, and pop.

Anyone have suggestions for my summer playlist?

Thanks and Gig 'Em!